Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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