Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
