hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
this will be a night to untag.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
