I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
