dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
