Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
