Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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