I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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