In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
