This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
