I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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