You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
