I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
