We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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