You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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