I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
