I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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