CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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