I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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