if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
