my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
