dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
