after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
