I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
