Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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