my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
