a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
