I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
