What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize