I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
