this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
