Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
