He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
