I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I'm really busy with my period
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