there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
