Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
this boner is exhausting
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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