I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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