but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
