she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
