Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
