can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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