after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize