do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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