do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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