Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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