I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize