do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
