I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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