I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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