Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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