So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
