You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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