When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
