so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
