I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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