I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
