Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
