sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
no more duck duck goose at the bar
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
