My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
