She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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