And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
