I seem to have left my pride at pride
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
