his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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