You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
