"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
