Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
