I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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