Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
