Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We were destined to go to rehab together
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
