I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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