Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I need to sanitize my soul.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
