That's when you crack a 10am beer
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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