How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
