For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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